Malex Minute 120
Runtime: 4:45
The “Riding Squirrel” appears. But which one? And why? Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think!
Malex’s Thoughts
The presence of a “Tall Green Riding Squirrel” was originally theorized in 1954 by a team of scientists at Cambridge. Their work was initially derided by the scientific community as a complete work of fiction, but we now have incontrovertible proof of Tall Green Riding Squirrel’s existence. In fact, we have seen this elusive creature with our own ears.
The relationship between the Little Red Riding Squirrel and the Tall Green Riding Squirrel is thus: Tall Green Riding Squirrel exhibits properties of exaggerated height when compared with the less elongated, more rotund Little Red Riding Squirrel. Furthermore, Tall Green Riding Squirrel is found to don clothing which primarily reflects light of a wavelength of approximately 525 nanometers, whereas the woefully inadequate coverings of the Little Red Riding Squirrel tend only to reflect light of a wavelength of approximately 665 nanometers.
Nothing is known about the more personal aspects of the relationship between Little Red Riding Squirrel and Tall Green Riding Squirrel. No credible researcher has ever submitted a detailed report on the subject, and no credible research is currently being performed. In fact, many states have banned such research entirely.
Despite our initially-strong misgivings, we present this Malex Minute episode as evidence for the veracity of these claims. We hope your morbid, disgusting curiosity is hereby satisfied.
––Alex Markley
“It was later discovered that all the victims of the outbreak had a penchant for eating squirrel brains.”
Additional Text
Transcript (See below for credits.)
~~ Introduction
Malex: Hey there Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Malex Minute!
Snufflefungus: I’m the Snufflefungus, and Malex is hosting the show!
Linus: (Sarcastic.) Nice work confusing the listeners again. Why don’t you shoo them away with a gun? That would be quicker and more painless.
Malex: I am Malex, for any new listeners. There see, Linus? It’s all cleared up now.
Linus: Darn.
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: Hi there! Anybody care for a breath mint?
Snufflefungus: It’s Little Red Riding Squirrel again! Only you’ve lost weight! And grown taller! And you’re trying out a new color...?
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: Ah ah ah! I’m not Little Red Riding Squirrel, I’m Tall Green Riding Squirrel!
Linus: There’s another one of you? Hey Malex, if we rebuild the spaceship, can we move away from the planet and wait for Armageddon?
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: But everybody knows a watched pot never boils!
Malex: I don’t think that applies.
Snufflefungus: Oh, I proved that wrong once! I was watching a pot, and I made it boil! With my mind!
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: So how safe would you say this house is?
Snufflefungus: Well we’ve never had anyone break in...
Linus: Except Snufflefungus.
Snufflefungus: Well we’ve never had any burglars break in...
Linus: Except that one time.
Snufflefungus: Well, none of us has been harmed during a break in.
Linus: Except that one guy who used to be our roommate.
Snufflefungus: Well we’ve never had anyone break in specifically to harm us.
Linus: Except that giant horde of... Oh never mind.
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: Sounds like you’ve got a nice place here.
Malex: So what do you want?
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: Me? (Laughs nervously.) Why do you ask?
Malex: Well you know, I don’t normally pry, but you are in my house.
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: Oh of course! I apologize. My goodness, how could I be so stupid.
Malex: No, it’s okay-
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: I’m so sorry! What a terrible person I am! Can you ever forgive me? I’m so so sorry!
Malex: Really, it’s fine. Please stop grovelling.
Linus: Malex, shall I fetch the pistol?
Malex: No, Linus, we-
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: Can you give me a job here? Please? I’ll do anything.
Snufflefungus: Do you know how to play toy soldiers? I need help with that.
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: Oh, I like doing-
Linus: Ooh, I know! You can keep an eye on the dishes while they’re in the dishwasher. You know, to prevent them from flying around and breaking.
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: Wouldn’t I need to be inside the-?
Malex: As intriguing as the offer is, I don’t think we need any help.
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: You don’t need to pay me. I just want to help.
Malex: No, no really, we don’t need any help.
Snufflefungus: But Malex, the toy soldiers?
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: I understand, I guess I’ll be leaving then.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: It’s’a me, Little Red Riding Squirrel! Ah, there you are, Tall Green Riding Squirrel! I’ve been looking for you everywhere!
Linus: Of course! I knew there was a connection!
Malex: What? What exactly did you know? And how?
Linus: Well, not much really. I just wanted to say that. But there is a connection!
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: Why yes, Little Red Riding Squirrel and I go way back.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Yes, so let’s just go home, shall we?
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: No! I mean, I was just about to have tea with these gentlemen.
Linus: No you weren’t. Leaving is fine.
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: Well I’m not done running errands anyway. So I’m not going back for a while.
Snufflefungus: Those errands. They’ll get you every time...
Linus: Sure.
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: Little Red Riding Squirrel, you’re not still mad... about the curtains... are you?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Do we have to do this here? I’m not mad, I’m just upset.
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: What’s the difference?!
Malex: Um, guys, I’m trying to run a show here. Can you two take this outside?
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: No, it’s dark and cold outside. Inside is best.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Let’s just go. We can work this out like adult squirrels.
Linus: Yes, please go.
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: No!
Malex: It might be best.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Come on!
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: He beats me! Don’t let him take me away!
Linus: (Incredulous.) Are you serious?! You’re twice his size!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: It’s not true! I’m’a good to my Tall Green Riding Squirrel!
Malex: Why do these things always happen near me?
Linus: Don’t sweat it, Malex. Just send them away and go on with your life.
Snufflefungus: But... Malex!
Malex: I can’t believe I’m about to say this. Green face, you can stay here until things cool down. Red-wad, you’re gonna have to leave.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Aw, but I-
Malex: Now!
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Fine! But you haven’t seen the last of me!
Malex: Yes, we know you’ll never really be gone.
Linus: Exactly, we’ve given up all hope of a brighter future.
Snufflefungus: Hey, Tall Green Riding Squirrel! Let’s go play toy soldiers!
~~ End
Credits
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley and Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley
Illustration: Peter Markley
Release manager: Peter Markley
Recording assistance: Leela
Thanks to everyone for their help and support. 
This episode is licensed under a CC Attribution NonCommercial 3.0 United States License.
Comments
Um I can't read
J/k of course.
No audio
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
Magic is more than something that you see. Magic is something you feel. It's like the feeling you get when you hear that certain song or see that one person...that's real magic.
***Hair stands up.
I’m really sorry! That was my mistake!
It’s fixed now.
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Serendipity becomes real when you trust in God.
God is leading me along a trail of miracles.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
That's horrible! SICKENING! Even disturbing.
I weep.
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"He speaks of Meow."
"Just feed the cat."
You know how to raspberry, don't you Steve? You just put your tongue out and blow.
Good News and Bad News
The good news is that my enternet is finally working again! The bad news is that my sound isn't working, but I was still able to enjoy this weeks minute which has really made my morning!
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I ain't not gonna do it! Wait... I guess I am.
The sad fact is that even in high heels, I am still shorter than my friends. ;D
Families
We all have a few relatives that we're less than excited about introducing to our friends. But it's always so awkward when domestic issues that should remain private come out in public. No one knows how to react, but I'm pretty sure that Malex has done the wrong thing in this case. Let Tall Green go to the the proper authorities for protection - the ASPCA or his local park ranger or something. I'm fairly certain that Malex's moment of weakness will only lead to pain and recriminations.
Good job guys. Is that true, Malex, about the scientists at Cambridge in 1954? Are you sure it wasn't at Berkeley in 1969?
I love the illustration, Qz. Snuffy has toy soldiers!!!! AWWWW!!!
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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
o.O
Eh... that's awful.
Is TGRS a girl?
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I'm waiting for a handsome prince.
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“Yeah,” Ilor said, beginning to laugh, “they'd kill us because they're pirates!”
No...
But it sure looks like it!
In the picture, I thought that Tall Green Riding Squirrel looked like Little Red Riding Squirrel's Aunt!
I especially loved these lines:
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: No! I mean, I was just about to have tea with these gentlemen.
Linus: No you weren’t. Leaving is fine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: Little Red Riding Squirrel, you’re not still mad... about the curtains... are you?
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Do we have to do this here? I’m not mad, I’m just upset.
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: What’s the difference?!
Malex: Um, guys, I’m trying to run a show here. Can you two take this outside?
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: No, it’s dark and cold outside. Inside is best.
Little Red Riding Squirrel: Let’s just go. We can work this out like adults squirrel.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tall Green Riding Squirrel: He beats me! Don’t let him take me away!
Linus: (Incredulous.) Are you serious?! You’re twice his size!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
They suddenly and quite painfully, became Siamese twins.
♥♫♪◉☼
Would you rather raise an army, or go out on your own?
Hehehe
Thank you everyone, I’m delighted that you enjoyed it!
I’m sure you’re right SangMing.
But give him a break, he had to think of something fast.
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Serendipity becomes real when you trust in God.
God is leading me along a trail of miracles.
One Word
There is only one word to discribe this episode, amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep up the good work guys.
...............
Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?
Bob- What’s that Mike?
Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.
Bob- You know, I hate those too.
“Crash.”
Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.
Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?
Bob- What’s that Mike?
Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.
Bob- You know, I hate those too.
“Crash.”
Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.
^.^
There are only a few words in my vocabulary to describe this minute: Horrifying, disturbing, and just plain AMAZING!!!!
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Random Disney Quote #1
I have an excellent suggestion! Let's change the subject!
The dangerous criminal known as Dragonman is hereby under arrest for assault with a deadly weapon, assault with a potentially deadly weapon, and assault with a weapon we couldn't believe could possibly be deadly but unfortunately was.
Wow
Hehehe I think that’s a good thing!
I’m so glad you both liked it!
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Serendipity becomes real when you trust in God.
God is leading me along a trail of miracles.
rotfl!
I keep listening to this episode cuz it's so funny! Horrible, but incredibly funny.
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I'm waiting for a handsome prince.
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“Yeah,” Ilor said, beginning to laugh, “they'd kill us because they're pirates!”
Yay!
Score!
Actually this one is more thanks to Malex.
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Serendipity becomes real when you trust in God.
God is leading me along a trail of miracles.
um ... wow?
That was a great episode guys. Totally worth waiting 3 days to hear it
Great ending Leela. It reminds me of a song ... the Alphabet song! *deep breath*
Abcd efgh ijk lm
Nopq rstuv wxy zed
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now she brings it to school with her
Betwixt to bits of bread
Ah, drinking songs!
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This is my only advice for you: learn to laugh at yourself, and you shall never cease to be entertained.
~Some famous Irish comedian whose name escapes me~
No more denying. Stop trying to hide from it.
People are praying. They're saying their hope is near.
- "Destiny", Spirit Blade
Hehe
I’m so glad you liked the episode!
Hehe... Interesting lyrics there.
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“... But as for me, I trust in [God.]” -Psalm 55:23
God is leading me along a trail of miracles.
yeah,
Pubs are really fun (sometimes
). One night in Ireland, we went to The Merry Ploughboy Pub (http://www.merryploughboys.com/pub.html), home of The Merry Ploughboys (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aG24gQZSds&feature=related). That's where I heard the song, and I learned a bunch of other Irish songs, like "Four Green Fields" (it's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard).
And one of the guys played a solo on the bodhran (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjSBML6Q0dw). Simply amazing!
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Learn to laugh at yourself, and you shall never cease to be entertained.
~A famous Irish comedian whose name escapes me~
No more denying. Stop trying to hide from it.
People are praying. They're saying their hope is near.
- "Destiny", Spirit Blade
that was really funny great
that was really funny great job guys
ais sp. that song was amazing
MMMMMAWHAWHHWAWHmwhawhawhwahawhawhawhawhawha. ya i said!!! GET OVER IT!!!! i am very tired(like always) and very hyper(like duh)♫♫♫
Hehe
Well thank you very much, I’m very glad you enjoyed it!
And Leela did the song.
She can be really funny sometimes.
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“... But as for me, I trust in [God.]” -Psalm 55:23
God is leading me along a trail of miracles.