Transcript (See below for credits.)

~~ Introduction

Malex: Hey everybody and welcome to the Malex Minute! I’m-

Snufflefungus: Look, Malex! I caught a bug!

Malex: What? In the house?

Snufflefungus: No, outside. But I wanted to show you!

Linus: Snuffy, can we please try to save your immature blunders for a time when the whole world isn’t watching?

Snufflefungus: I just thought he looked so helpless, struggling along the ground carrying this huge crumb! I thought we could feed him.

Linus: The way you’re floating him all over the place with your telekinesis, he’s probably lost his appetite! You’re scaring him out of a week’s growth.

Snufflefungus: I didn’t mean to scare him! I’m sorry little bug!

Malex: Linus, be quiet! Snufflefungus, it’ll all be okay. Just put the bug back outside.

Snufflefungus: Okay.

Malex: Now seeing as this episode is the last episode in Quarter Nine, I thought we could-

Linus: No one cares.

Malex: How many times now?! How many times have you interrupted me right at that point?!

Linus: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Snufflefungus: (Parentally) Most times, whenever Malex is about to introduce the topic for the episode, you interrupt.

Malex: You do it all the time now. It’s starting to seriously get on my nerves.

Linus: Was this coming to a point, or were you going to round it off with a big musical number?

Snufflefungus: I choose the big musical number!

Malex: So did you actually have a good reason for interrupting me this time?

Linus: Not really, it’s just that no one cares about what you were going to say.

Malex: You don’t even know what I was going to say! You didn’t give me a chance to say it!

Linus: But does it really matter? Every time you open your mouth, we experience another phenomenon of boredom.

Snufflefungus: A phenomenon of boredom? Or a phenomenon of inflatable personalities? I think they’d sell faster than pet rocks!

Linus: ... You know Snuffy, sometimes I think I could sell the things you say as a form of abstract art.

Malex: Besides, it’s not like we need anybody’s personality to be any more inflated than it already is.

Linus: Hey, was that aimed at me?!

Snufflefungus: Speaking of art, guess what hobby I’m trying out?

Malex: What’s that, Snuffy?

Snufflefungus: Close your eyes!

Linus: Magic, maybe? He’s going to leave the room and say it was a disappearing act... I can just tell.

Snufflefungus: You can open your eyes now!

Malex: Oh! A painting! Did you paint this, Snufflefungus?

Snufflefungus: (Proud.) Yep!

Linus: ...What is it?

Malex: Where did you learn how to paint, Snuffy?

Snufflefungus: Well, I got this book from the library about painting! It says to relax and let your true feelings come out through the brush and into the painting. Did you know that’s how all the great painters like Van Gogh and Leonardo DiCaprio did it?

Malex: No. Can’t say that I did.

Linus: Really? I thought that they just prepared a canvas whenever they got sick and aimed at it when they sneezed!

Snufflefungus: Nope! They relaxed and let their true feelings come out through the brush and into the painting. Just like the book says!

Linus: It sounds like it would make a mess all over the easel and floor. Did they have to do any cleaning up of the feelings that missed the canvas?

Malex: Oh Linus... (Sigh.) So Snuffy, was that what you were doing when you made this painting?

Snufflefungus: Well, I tried! I’m still new at it.

Malex: Well it sounds like a good idea to me. And there are lots of techniques for communicating your feelings through art, too. How do you go about it?

Snufflefungus: I thought you’d never ask! Lemme show you on a new canvas.

Malex: Alright, I’m watching.

Snufflefungus: (Breathing deeply.) My true feelings. Okay, here I go!

~~ Psychic power.

Linus: (Screams.) No, it- It can’t be!

Malex: And that identifies that bizarre odor from yesterday.

Linus: Snuffy, I think they meant a technique to use when actually touching the brush to the canvas, not some sort of brain-painting!

Snufflefungus: (Confused.) What...?

Linus: They’re talking about regular feelings, Snuffy. Not psychic feelings.

Snufflefungus: (Still a little confused.) Oh... (Sudden cheerfulness.) Well anyway, the book says to try not to paint when other people are around if they’re going to distract you. I like my last painting better! See?

Linus: What is it, anyway?

Snufflefungus: You can’t tell?

Linus: No, I can’t.

Snufflefungus: I call it, Miscommunication.

Linus: So... It’s a picture of miscommunication?

Snufflefungus: Yep!

Linus: (Sarcastic) Exactly how I pictured it.

Snufflefungus: Why thank you! I just thought it happens so often around here, it would be the perfect subject for a painting!

Linus: Does it still count as miscommunication if it’s deliberate?

Malex: You know Snuffy, I think I was expecting a picture of a physical object.

Snufflefungus: Oh, I have one of a dog! Here, see?

Malex: Oh, that’s wonderful Snuffy!

Linus: It’s a dog? (Delicate.) Snuffy, I think we might have to call the PETA.

Snufflefungus: This one was before I borrowed the book from the library, so I wasn’t trying to relax and let my true feelings come out through the brush and into the painting.

Malex: Snuffy, I really think this is a great painting! You know I could tell exactly what it was the instant I saw it? Maybe you should just stick to this style and return the library book.

Snufflefungus: Okay!

Linus: Or maybe it’s a lost cause.

Snufflefungus: What does PETA stand for, anyway?

Linus: People for the Ethnic Treatment of Animals.

Snufflefungus: (Cheerful.) Is that like animal breeding?

Malex: Okay, I think that’s it for this episode Ladies and Gentlemen! Thanks for listening, and I hope you join us again next week for the kickoff for Malex Minute Quarter Ten!

~~ End

Credits

Producer and Director: Alex Markley

Writers: Peter Markley and Alex Markley

Voices: Markley Brothers

Post-processing director: Gabriel Markley

Illustration: Peter Markley

Release manager: Peter Markley

Recording assistance: Leela

Thanks to Inferno for use of the Medlas sound effect.

Thanks to everyone for their help and support.