Episode 01x52 - Stop. This Is the End.

Malex:

I spent about an hour clearing off one of the desks so that I could scribble some notes. While I worked, Zilly and Echofly cleaned.

“The walls are secreting mess!” Zilly had calmed down a bit, but was still bordering on hysterics. “I just cleaned that bit, and now it’s messy again!”

I watched as Echofly picked up a banana peel. As soon as she turned around, another banana peel seeped up through the rancid carpet to replace the one she had removed.

I shook my head in resignation.

Suddenly, Icepunk burst in.

“I saw it with my own eyes I tell you!” Icepunk hollered at me excitedly.

“Saw what now?” I ask, looking up from my desk.

“The mayor is being impersonated by a Dumbbutt!”

“Eh? How do you know?” I asked.

“He claims to be the mayor, but I don’t recognize him.”

“This does not especially surprise me considering how little attention you pay to the news,” I said. “I don’t really believe that any fake mayor exists. However, if it will make you stop pacing and waving your arms around like a dying bird, I will go with you so that you can show me what you mean.”

Icepunk:

Malex, Linus, and I get in Malex’s car and speed away.

“You know,” I tell Malex. “If I’m right this time, you owe me a million dollars.”

“Fine,” Malex says. “IF you’re right - which I sincerely doubt - I will give you a million dollars. If I’m wrong, you’ll give ME a million dollars.”

“That sounds fair to me.” We pull into a parking lot across from City Hall. “w00t! Let’s go.”

“What’s the plan?” Malex asks me.

“What on earth makes you think I have a plan?” I ask. “I’m just going to walk into City Hall and demand that the Dumbbutt impersonator reveal himself and abdicate.”

“He can’t abdicate, you imbecile!”

“You obviously know nothing of politics, so there’s no point in discussing it with you.”

I cross the street and enter the City Hall, a large stone building with lots of cops and tacky lighting fixtures in it. I walk over to a sickly lad sitting behind a desk and ask, “Where is the man impersonating the mayor? I need to beat him to death.”

“S-security! Th-this man wants t-to hurt the m-mayor!” the man stutters in fear.

“Oh, hush. Just tell me where he is and I won’t immolate you.”

The man points wordlessly to an office marked ‘Mayor’.

“Icepunk! The police are coming after us!” Malex says hurriedly.

“We’ll lock ourselves in the mayor’s office until he admits he’s a Dumbbutt.”

“I’m not so sure about this, Icepunk,” Malex says worriedly. The wuss.

We burst into the mayor’s office and confront his secretary. “Where’s the mayor?”

The secretary faints. The mayor comes out and exclaims, “You again! What do you want?”

“Not so fast, Dumbbutt! Why are you impersonating the mayor?” I grab at his collar, but he breaks free and flees into the lobby.

“You’re not getting away that easily!” I holler.

“Icepunk, let him go!” Malex screams. The wuss.

I run into the lobby and dive into the retreating fat man’s back.

Immediately, hundreds of policemen surround me, guns drawn. “Freeze!”

Malex:

“This is all a BIG mistake!” I yelled desperately from our cell. “I was trying to protect him! I don’t even know this psycho! Let me go!”

“The fools!” Icepunk muttered to himself. “They are protecting their precious mayor. This course of action will only end in flames of pain and death.”

“Icepunk,” I said deliberately, “if I ever get out of here, I am never speaking to you again. EVER!”

“Is that a promise?” Icepunk sneered.

For consolation, I opened Linus the Laptop.

He woke up and surveyed our surroundings. “Are we in jail?! What in the world happened?!” he yelled.

“Icepunk jumped the mayor,” I deadpanned.

“What?!” he gaped. “How come you’re in here with him?”

“I can’t seem to get away from him,” I said. “I tried to stop his shenanigans, but they think I was in on it.”

“Those idiots are going to have a nasty awakening when their mayor leads them all over a cliff like the lemmings they are!” Icepunk yelled.

“Terribly sorry to contradict you,” said a new voice to Icepunk, “but the mayor is not one of our many agents, and you have no telepathic powers.”

“Jennings?!” Icepunk immediately stood up.

“Controller Jennings to you,” Jennings said. “Dumbbutt Controller Number Three to be exact.”

“So that’s why Boof warned me about you!” Icepunk said.

“Yes,” Jennings said. “Our experimentation with Boof and Poo proved conclusively that the mind is a terrible thing to waste.”

“What about Robb and Bobb?” I asked.

“Oh, they’re doing well. Thanks for asking.”

“They’re Dumbbutts too?!” Icepunk’s jaw dropped.

Jennings rolled his eyes. “Yes. Now, any more stupid questions before I capture you and declare you prisoners of war?”

“Yes,” Icepunk said seriously. “Are there donuts wherever you are taking us? ’Cause the food Boof gave us wasn’t really filling.”

“You know,” Jennings said, “you two are so stupid that it almost makes me hesitate to mutilate your planet the way my race has thousands of times to thousands of other races over the past few millenia. Leaving you alive could be amusing.”

“Are you really hesitant to kill us all and immolate our planet?” I asked hopefully.

“No.”

Then the entire room blacked out as we were all temporarily sucked out of existence.

Icepunk:

I’d scream but I doubt anyone would hear it. I feel as though I’m being ripped inside out, put back together wrong, and then thrown into a washing machine on spin cycle at eight-five miles an hour.

In the dim haze of my vision, I can see the Earth falling away behind us. However, my consciousness is too distorted to focus on that fact.

I thought I was doing the right thing by attacking the impostor. But, apparently, I was wrong and now I’m in horrible pain.

Life sucks.

Author’s Note:

Don’t you just hate it when they say “To Be Continued”?

Season Two begins on the first Saturday of September, 2005.

Hope to see you then! Thanks for reading.

--Alex Markley (Malex) & John Morgan (Icepunk)