Crazy J - Dream
Well, I told you everything that I wrote wasn't that bad. This is a rather light-hearted, sweet little poem that even the hardest person in the world will admit is, well, kinda purty.
If you are grossed out by prettiness, this poem is not for you. It involves dreaming, sleeping, and (gasp! horrors!) peacfulness. If you are allergic to such things, you may wish to put on one of those paper suits that nuclear scientists use and run away screaming like a little girl. Otherwise, enjoy.
(note: this poem is legally considered lyrical prozac)
Additional Text
Dream
by Jeremy Tanis
Imagine a sweet ocean, vast and limitless
Shining brightly under the sun.
Picture the moon
Glowing beautifully in the night.
And dream a sweet dream
And sleep peacefully
Throughout the night.
Think of the forests
Whistling birds and buzzing creatures
Imagine the sky
Fluffy clouds and sunlight rays
And dream a sweet dream
And sleep peacefully
Throughout the night.
Picture the rain
Gently falling on a window
Think of the wind
Playing a soft tune in your ear
And dream so sweet a dream
And rise peacefully
On the morn.
This work is licensed under a CC Attribution NonCommercial ShareAlike 2.5 License.
This poem is Copyright © 2005 by Jeremy Tanis
Comments
Purty?
I think I could bring myself to say that it isn't. And I can't be harder than the hardest man, because that's a contradiction. It needs more creative descriptions.
---------------
PREMISE-Repeating oneself is stupid.
PREMISE-Repeating oneself is stupid.
CONCLUSION-I am stupid.
“[Jesus said,] ‘Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away.’” –Matthew 24:35 (ESV)
Harsh critisism.
I think that more kindness would be helpful when expressing your opinions. Perhaps you could try emphasising encouraging things before bringing out the negative things?
Regardless, I liked the poem. I may not be a poetry person per se, I liked it nontheless.
--Alex Markley
Alex Markley
“Objects in mirror seem closer than they appear.”
I liked it...
(Despite the fact that it in no way refelects what my dreams are like.)
There is nothing a psychiatrist can do that bubble wrap can't.
You know how to raspberry, don't you Steve? You just put your tongue out and blow.
Well
I didn't say that I didn't like it, I just said that I could say that it wasn't pretty. It was simple and short, so it didn't really have much to dislike. It actually was obviously trying to get at a pretty point, if you know what I mean. It just used simple and everyday words to do it, so it wasn't unusually pretty.
--------------
Bungee Jumping
“[Jesus said,] ‘Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away.’” –Matthew 24:35 (ESV)
Lyrical Prozac
Whoever came up with that phrase deserves an award.It's hysterical!
About the poem: I liked the fact that it used everyday language to convey peaceful images. It made me think of Neil Diamond's early works. (I should point out here that Neil Diamond is one of my heroes, so this is a compliment.) N.D. was a young man with a rough voice and a Brooklyn accent, obviously unfit for a career in music. But his yearning songs of everyday disappointments and struggles struck a chord with a great many people who were just like him. - A dreamer who found it difficult to fit in and become a success in more conventional ways. I would recommend that you all find and listen to his songs, Brooklyn Roads and Shilo.
But I digress. J's poem conjures for me the image of a man attempting to lull and comfort someone dear to him - a wife or a child. I find this poem very enjoyable. Not so much for the words used, but for the imagery it imparts to me. I think it would make a superb song. Keep up the good work, J.
Just keep swimming!
---------------
I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
I agree.
Good imagery. I'm not sure it's what I'd call pretty (at least not "flowery")... I like it, though--that's what I mean to say. But yes, I'm not much of a poet anyway, so I shouldn't even be commenting.
Sometimes I sit and think, and sometimes I just sit.
---
"Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something." - Plato
I agree too...
I agree too... whatever the point was.
I'm just not one for poetry myself, but as far as I can tell, this one seems good.
By the by Jacob, lol @ your new signature. +1, for sure.
--Alex Markley
Alex Markley
“Objects in mirror seem closer than they appear.”
What about mine?
You were there when I made it up.
--------------
It's too small for the hole!
“[Jesus said,] ‘Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away.’” –Matthew 24:35 (ESV)
great stuff
Actually, even though I haven't read much of his stuff, I think I've read more than most of you, and I have to say that even at his worst, Crazy J is 10 times the poet I was at my best, and Dream is most definitely one of my absolute favorites. I also very much enjoyed Avalon, which he hasn't put out here yet.
"All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." Gandalf the Gray
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Poetics
As good as I (presume I) am with words, I never could bring myself to attempt poetry. I fear that I simply do not have the appreciation for poetics that I would require.
My appreciation for words revolves more around their comedic punch: humorous sounds or syllables, unexpected timing or rhythm (forced by commas and 'extra words' of unusual length), ridiculous meaning or multiple meanings (usually not innuendo), etc..
Unfortunately, rhythm and rhyme have never had much of an impact on me, and there is my downfall as a poet.
--Alex Markley
Alex Markley
“Objects in mirror seem closer than they appear.”
Why not try...
A funny poem! That would be a good start!
There is nothing a psychiatrist can do that bubble wrap can't.
You know how to raspberry, don't you Steve? You just put your tongue out and blow.
Heh
Don't be cynical, sister; It does not become you.
--Alex Markley
Alex Markley
“Objects in mirror seem closer than they appear.”