The Malex Minute
 |  |  |  |
Malex Minute 105
Malex, Linus, and Snufflefungus have a party at a coffee shop! Can they go five whole minutes without somebody crashing the party and disrupting everything? Give it a listen and find out for yourself! Don’t forget to send us an email and let us know what you think.
Malex's Thoughts
What kind of idiots are we? The special kind… At least, that’s the working theory.
That party I’ve been going on and on about for weeks is finally done. It went very well by just about any standards. We crammed the coffee shop full of people, and everybody I’ve talked to said they had a blast.
As you probably already know (from reading my near-constant rambling on the subject), we were planning on recording this Malex Minute episode live at the party. That recording went very, very well, and it is presented here for you to hear… And see.
Yes, we filmed the presentation, and the video is hereby published for all to see. See it! And be glad.
You may wonder why this episode is being published a few hours late. (After all, the script and recording were both done a week ago.) The trouble is, I had no idea how much work it was going to be to post-process and release this episode. I underestimated the work severely. In fact, in my production notes for the episode, I had actually written, “No post-processing necessary for live production.”
Yes, apparently my brain is quite defective, because I didn’t realize until a few days ago that post-processing this episode would be many times harder than a normal episode.
Don’t get me wrong, it was definitely worth it. I’ll just be quite relieved to get back to a normal production schedule this week.
So yes, the party was a smashing success, and I’m tentatively looking forward to throwing another such bash some time after a year from now and before the great black fornever.
Keep an eye on my blog, as I will be posting pictures!
ttyl!
——Alex Markley
“I replaced your brains with aluminum. I’ll accept your gratitude now.”
Transcript
~~ Introduction
Malex: Hey everybody, Malex here. Welcome to Malex Minute Quarter 9! How do you like the new theme music?
Snufflefungus: I liked it! I couldn’t hear any difference!
Linus: (Uncharacteristically Cheerful) I liked it! It’s got rhythm and I can dance to it!
Snufflefungus: But Linus, I didn’t see you dancing!
Malex: Yeah, you never dance.
Linus: I always dance! I just, you know, dance in my mind where you can’t see me!
Malex: How pointless. So, for everybody joining us on the Internet, we’re recording this week’s episode live from the Smoothie Brews coffee shop in Pataskala.
Snufflefungus: (Whispers) And there are people watching us.
Linus: No, Snufflefungus, they’re not watching you, they’re actually studying you. I’m not supposed to tell you this, but you’re in a cage. Being experimented on.
Snufflefungus: Sounds like fun!
Malex: … Right! Well, we’re having a party to celebrate the beginning of our third year–
Linus: No, it’s a party to celebrate the end of our second year.
Snufflefungus: I prefer my year half full. I guess that makes me an optometrist!
Linus: If you insist.
Malex: Boy, well, we’ve got a great show planned for you tonight. We’re going to be–
Snufflefungus: Malex, what are the plans?
Malex: I was just talking about them.
Snufflefungus: Can you say them again? I was distracted.
Linus: Aren’t you supposed to know this? You’re in the show!
Snufflefungus: Oh yeah, I remember my line! Knock knock!
Malex: Um… Who’s there?
Snufflefungus: I forget.
Malex: I– I forget who?
Snufflefungus: I forget…
Malex: I– I forget who?
Linus: Well if you don’t know who you’re talking about, how are we supposed to help?
Malex: Good save!
Linus: Thank you!
Snufflefungus: What just happened?
Malex: Uh, okay! Wait, wait, alright, alright, I have one. Alright, now, stop me if you’ve already heard this one before.
Snufflefungus: Okay…
Malex: Okay, two guys walk into a bar, alright? The first guy says, “Barkeep! My friend needs a water!” Then the second guy turns to him and says, “Stop, dude, I’ve already heard this one before.”
Snufflefungus: (Awkward silence.) What? I don’t get it.
Malex: Well, you know… I said, “Stop me if you’ve already heard this one before…” The second guy, he’d already heard it before, so… Alright, never mind.
Linus: Ladies and gentlemen, a horrifying peak inside Malex’s mind!
Snufflefungus: Yay!
Malex: Oh great, that’s exactly what I needed.
LRRS: Hey guys, I magically appearing somehow!
Malex: (Screams.) Arrgh! Er, that is, fancy seeing you here, Little Red Riding Squirrel!
Snufflefungus: Quick, everybody hide!
Malex: What are you doing here, anyway?
LRRS: It’s’a party! I was invited!
Linus: Who in their right mind would invite Little Red Riding Squirrel?!
LRRS: You did!
Snufflefungus: (Gasps) Linus!
Linus: I did not! I sent out uninvitation cards to all our enemies!
LRRS: Yeah, that. I got that invitation card, and here I am!
Malex: Of course, of course.
LRRS: I like your new theme song…
Linus: Burn it.
LRRS: But I like mine better! (Starts singing.)
Snufflefungus: Please stop it!
Malex: No! Little Red Riding Squirrel, no!
LRRS: (Continues singing more quietly.)
Malex: No!
LRRS: So I’ve had a great week this year! I imported lead-based toys from China and I sold them to all the unwitting childrens!
Linus: And thanks to your lead, they’ll be unwitting forever.
LRRS: Exactly! Then I can take over the country and nobody will care!
Linus: Malex, can we just set him on fire?
Malex: No, no, Linus, we’re supposed to be kind to our enemies.
Snufflefungus: Yeah! Turn the other cheek!
LRRS: Can I sit in your lap?
Malex: Absolutely not. Why don’t you go get some coffee and sit in the back somewhere.
Linus: Far away…
Snufflefungus: You know, it’s a good thing I don’t get stage fright, ’cause there are a lot of people here, and they’re, like, staring at me.
Linus: So? Get over it.
Snufflefungus: But, they’re laughing too.
Linus: (Comforting) Snufflefungus, they’re not laughing with you, they’re laughing at you.
Malex: (Angry) Aw, Linus, right to the moon! I swear, right to the moon!
Linus: I’ve been to the moon, it’s nothing special!
Malex: It’s a figure of speech!
Linus: And you’re a figure of abject patheticism!
Snufflefungus: I’m pretty sure you just made that word up!
Coffee Cup 1: Excuse us.
Coffee Cup 2: Yes, excuse us.
Snufflefungus: Coffee cups!
Malex: What are you doing here, coffee cups?
Coffee Cup 2: (Condescending.) This is a coffee shop.
Coffee Cup 1: Yes, a coffee shop. Where else would you expect to find us?
Coffee Cup 2: Really, where else? I think this man is just as broken now as he was when we first met.
Malex: (Sarcastic) Nice to meet you too.
Linus: I hate to break it to you, utter freaks of nature, but you’re interrupting a very important show here.
Coffee Cup 1: (Offended) Oh, well!
Coffee Cup 2: Is this rodent yours?
LRRS: Hiya guys!
Snufflefungus: No. No, it is not.
Coffee Cup 1: Well it seems to think it is.
Coffee Cup 2: Yes, we think so too.
Linus: Think anything you want, it won’t make you right.
Coffee Cup 1: How perverse!
Coffee Cup 2: Yes, incredibly perverse!
Coffee Cup 1: Doesn’t he realize that anything we think is right?
Coffee Cup 2: Well, except for that one time.
Coffee Cup 1: Haven’t I ever told you to shut up before?
Coffee Cup 2: Never.
Coffee Cup 1: Well I’m saying it now.
Coffee Cup 2: How perverse.
Malex: I’m sorry gentlemen, but we simply cannot take responsibility for Little Red Riding Squirrel’s presence.
Coffee Cup 1: Well, we find its existence offensive in the extreme.
Coffee Cup 2: Yes, offensive. Like the foul, foul smell of fertilizer on the thick spring wind.
Coffee Cup 1: Yes, the thick spring wind.
LRRS: Thank you so much! In my mind, fertilizer symbolizes beauty and depth of character!
Malex: Little Red Riding Squirrel, why don’t you go bother somebody else?
LRRS: Okay! I’ll go ruin the people next door!
Linus: We find him offensive too, but what are we supposed to do about it?
Coffee Cup 1: You don’t need to do anything about it at all.
Coffee Cup 2: Anything about it at all. Oh look, here comes our solution now.
~~ Door opens.
Mike: Hey everybody, some kind of party in here! Oh, hey, it’s Malex and that crazy legless talking dog of his!
Linus: This is your “solution?”
Snufflefungus: I’m not a dog!
Mike: That’s a good trick. That’s actually really funny. Good doggy. Here’s a treat.
Malex: Hello Mike, long time no see.
Mike: Not nearly long enough, ya freaks. So what are you guys doin’ here?
Malex: We’re… Trying to do a show.
Snufflefungus: (Cheerfully) We keep getting interrupted!
Linus: Actually, I have a sneaking suspicion that these interruptions are far more interesting than anything Malex had planned. Malex is a really dull person.
Mike: I’m sorry to hear about that. That’s too bad. So anyway, I was somewhat offended the other day. You know, I didn’t know anything about no party until I got one of these fancy uninvitation cards here. I gotta tell you, man. That hurt. (Points to heart.) It hurt right here.
Malex: Linus, who all did you send uninvitation cards to?
Linus: Most everybody.
Malex: Well, Mike, you’re here now, and that’s what matters most, right?
Mike: No. No, it’s not. I’m here on the job.
Snufflefungus: What do you do? For your job?
Mike: Pest control. I got a call to come here.
Linus: From who?
Coffee Cup 2: We called him.
LRRS: I got bored, so I came back!
Mike: Whoa! There’s a big one!
Mike: I got it, I got it!
~~ Fire and screaming.
Malex: So much for treating our enemies with kindness.
Snufflefungus: Yeah, there’s not much cheek left to turn there.
Mike: Just doin’ my job. No need to thank me.
~~ Door opens.
LRRS: Hi guys! What did I miss?
Linus: (Gasp) Arrgh!
Malex: Another one?!
Snufflefungus: Little Red Riding Squirrel, weren’t you dead a second ago?
LRRS: No, I’ve got infinite supplies of me!
Mike: Oh heck no, I ain’t doin’ this. No, he’s got some kind of cheat code or something.
Coffee Cup 1: We’ll pay you extra if you take them all out.
Coffee Cup 2: Yes, extra. Double extra if you do it before sunrise.
Mike: Nope, I’m gone. See ya’ never.
Snufflefungus: (Cheerfully) Bye!
LRRS: Will you pay me to do the job instead?
Coffee Cup 2: How perverse.
Malex: Well Ladies and Gentlemen, it looks like that’s all we have time for today. Thank you so much for being here, and we hope you’ll join us again next week at MalexMinute.com for more fun and madness!
Linus: Malex, can we leave? Now, perhaps?
Malex: Absolutely.
~~ End
Credits
Producer and Director: Alex Markley
Writers: Alex Markley and Peter Markley
Voices: Markley Brothers
Post-processing director: Alex Markley
Illustrations: Peter Markley
Release manager: Alex Markley
Thanks to everyone for their help and support. 
| | | |
Comments
Video is Delayed
You'll notice that there's no video attached to this episode yet. It's 4:15 in the morning, and I'm officially releasing the rest of the episode without the video.
As far as I can tell, the editing process is done and the video looks great. The only problem is that there are still a few hours of processing which need to happen before I can actually release the video.
And right now, I badly need sleep.
Look for the video version of this episode to show up tomorrow morning or afternoon. (I'll post another comment here when it's done.)
--Alex Markley
"Crap, I have levitation class at 25:131. Better set the alarm to 'cinnamon'."
Alex Markley
“The fate of a good technologist is to work on things that will seem silly in a hundred years. The fate of a bad technologist is to work on things that seem silly already.”
Hilarious all the way through.
This episode was awesome, amazing, and stinkin' hilarious. I heard it a dozen times while you guys were practicing and I must say, it never got old. And you performed it so well live. It was impressive.
Coffee Cup 1: How perverse!
Coffee Cup 2: Yes, incredibly perverse!
Coffee Cup 1: Doesn’t he realize that anything we think is right?
Coffee Cup 2: Well, except for that one time.
Coffee Cup 1: Haven’t I ever told you to shut up before?
Coffee Cup 2: Never.
Coffee Cup 1: Well I’m saying it now.
Coffee Cup 2: How perverse.
---------------
Waddya hear? Waddya say?
"You do realize," said Zanna, "that you're stroking a milk carton."
"You're just jealous," said Deeba.
-China Miéville's Un Lun Dun-
YAY
that was AMAZING - possibly even better that live because I could hear myself and Crazy J yelling at random crap the whole time
yeah 
I'm sorry not many people were dancing ... you should've planted a mole to start dancing and inspire the rest of us to dance (that's what we're doing for the play, because the sripts aren't funny AT ALL on their own
)
The coffee cups were awesome ... nuff said
I can't wait for the video, well, actually I can because I probably look like a moron ... and for some reason Lilly kept pointing the camera at us over in the corner
but whatever ... as long as you now have proof that Malex voices LRRS it's all good 
---------------
Moo.
... what you expected something deep and intellectual? What universe are you from?!
Malex: Yes. My ankles are cozy
- Malex Minute 197
Beyond proof.
Nothing beats watching Malex talk to himself. And interrupting.
---------------
Waddya hear? Waddya say?
"You do realize," said Zanna, "that you're stroking a milk carton."
"You're just jealous," said Deeba.
-China Miéville's Un Lun Dun-
Video is up!
Sorry for the delay on the video, but it's up now. Enjoy!
ttyl
--Alex Markley
"Crap, I have levitation class at 25:131. Better set the alarm to 'cinnamon'."
Alex Markley
“The fate of a good technologist is to work on things that will seem silly in a hundred years. The fate of a bad technologist is to work on things that seem silly already.”
Good Job.
That was a really great episode. I really liked the video and the audio. Keep up the good work. And also, dont worry snuffy is fine. See you next week.
...............
Orochimaru: Hello Hokage.
Hokage: Oh, hey Orochimaru.
Orochimaru: What? No I'm the Kazekage.
Hokage: Sure you are.
Mike- Hey Bob, you know what I hate?
Bob- What’s that Mike?
Mike- Giant Snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.
Bob- You know, I hate those too.
“Crash.”
Random guard tower guy- Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.
yay
nicely done!!!
*clapping
I don't know what else to say!!
bye now
*runs away
---------------
When in the middle of a group hug, my shoulder was almost dislocated from being in the middle!!!
Random guy- "Its not lip balm, its man-stick!"
SWEETNESS!!!!!
Totally awesome video!!!! My hair looked so good that night( Because we all know everyone was really looking at me
)
I showed my mom this, she loved Quartz's drawings!
---------------
His intended message is, “Scream, and the world screams with you. Laugh, and your face will burst in flames.”
Linus: Why Malex, you're making more sense than usual today!
"Is that a spittoon on your head?"
"You're just jealous."-Contradictionary- Phlegmingo
Oh
You can see me headbanging.
--
"Sir, I think you've gone mad with power!"
"Of course! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring; nobody listens to you."
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
yup!
Apparantly you, me, and Shaman were the only one's doing anything inreresting cause we're in most of the audience shots
---------------
Moo.
... what you expected something deep and intellectual? What universe are you from?!
Malex: Yes. My ankles are cozy
- Malex Minute 197
Yeah,
Everybody else was just sitting there. There was some good stuff of Vox and Slushy. But then there were people like Dragonman, sitting there totally deadpan... Sometimes i worry about you DM...
---------------
His intended message is, “Scream, and the world screams with you. Laugh, and your face will burst in flames.”
Linus: Why Malex, you're making more sense than usual today!
"Is that a spittoon on your head?"
"You're just jealous."-Contradictionary- Phlegmingo
rotfl
LRRS: I like your new theme song...
Linus: Burn it.
LRRS: But I like mine better! Lalalalala!
Snufflefungus: Please stop it!
Malex: No! Little Red Riding Squirrel, no!
LRRS: Lala
Malex: No!
Oh, wow, this part was soooo funny! At the party, I was so caught up in watching you guys perform, that some of the actual content of the episode was lost on me
However, while I was listening to the episode once it was released, I came across this part again, and I laughed sooo hard!! Haha, I had to stop the episode to explain to my roommate why I had randomly burst out laughing for no apparent reason (I was wearing headphones), lol. LRRS' "Theme Song" is priceless!! Y'all are so talented. Really.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."
- Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."
- Proverbs 3:5-6
*lol*
That’s great Noble Wisdom!
Noble Wisdom said:
Y'all are so talented. Really.
Lilly said:
I showed my mom this, she loved Quartz's drawings!
Aww, thank you all very much!
I’m so glad you all enjoyed it so much.
-------
“... But as for me, I trust in [God.]” -Psalm 55:23
Old Mother Hubbard sat in her cupboard,
Drowning her sorrows in hay.
Along came a spider who sat down to chide her,
But he could think of nothing to say.
Sad but true.
LRRS is, truly, a work of art. Horrible art. But art nonetheless.
---------------
Waddya hear? Waddya say?
"You do realize," said Zanna, "that you're stroking a milk carton."
"You're just jealous," said Deeba.
-China Miéville's Un Lun Dun-
Squirrel Critic
MODERN art you mean
---------------
Moo.
... what you expected something deep and intellectual? What universe are you from?!
Malex: Yes. My ankles are cozy
- Malex Minute 197
Demon squirrel must die
LRRS is just horrific.
However his themesong was so funny!!! Made even funnier by the look on Malex's face.
---------------
His intended message is, “Scream, and the world screams with you. Laugh, and your face will burst in flames.”
Linus: Why Malex, you're making more sense than usual today!
"Is that a spittoon on your head?"
"You're just jealous."-Contradictionary- Phlegmingo
One of my newer nicknames...
Little Red was given to me because of my bright red coat, but for some reason they affiliate it with LRRS, but I don't know why!!!!!
---------------
When in the middle of a group hug, my shoulder was almost dislocated from being in the middle!!!
Random guy- "Its not lip balm, its man-stick!"
Hehehe
Are you sure that isn’t too far? Maybe you should demand a nickname-recall...
-------
“... But as for me, I trust in [God.]” -Psalm 55:23
Old Mother Hubbard sat in her cupboard,
Drowning her sorrows in hay.
Along came a spider who sat down to chide her,
But he could think of nothing to say.
After all...
...we do NOT have to just passively accept any ol' nickname that gets thrown our way. I mean, you never know where it's been!
---------------
I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
---------------
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
*lol*
Yeah, exactly!
-------
“... But as for me, I trust in [God.]” -Psalm 55:23
Old Mother Hubbard sat in her cupboard,
Drowning her sorrows in hay.
Along came a spider who sat down to chide her,
But he could think of nothing to say.
I know where its been...
And besides, all of my nicknames have some sort of story to them, I think. Just look at my account, I think I have at least 28!!!
---------------
When in the middle of a group hug, my shoulder was almost dislocated from being in the middle!!!
Random guy- "Its not lip balm, its man-stick!"
Too many
Twenty-eight nicknames is entirely too many. For a nickname to be a truly accurate "other" name, it must truly fit one and be unique. The mere fact that it has 27 others beside it makes each of them non-unique.
---------------
I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
---------------
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
;-)
Yeah, Hamster! Watchya thinkin'!?
---------------
Waddya hear? Waddya say?
"You do realize," said Zanna, "that you're stroking a milk carton."
"You're just jealous," said Deeba.
-China Miéville's Un Lun Dun-
the other day...
at school, I got another nickname to make 29, but I forgot what it was... Oh wait, I forgot about Sniffy!!!!!!
---------------
When in the middle of a group hug, my shoulder was almost dislocated from being in the middle!!!
Random guy- "Its not lip balm, its man-stick!"
*lol*
Ah, well... Hehe, I guess we’ll never know.
-------
“... But as for me, I trust in [God.]” -Psalm 55:23
Old Mother Hubbard sat in her cupboard,
Drowning her sorrows in hay.
Along came a spider who sat down to chide her,
But he could think of nothing to say.
A quote
If it was important, it'll come back to you. - Another of my mother's famous lines.
---------------
I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
---------------
We should take our comfort from God's word, not from the circumstances of our lives.
Excellent!
Fabulous! Impressive! Incredible! One of the best 12 minutes of my life!!
I love watching you guys do all your voices in person
....that's pretty much all I have to say...I really enjoyed watching that.
"So I found some cheese from June '09...wanna guess what color it was?"
"green? blue? black?"
"nope. yellow."
"what kinda cheese was it?"
"American."
Thanks!
Thanks a lot! I'm very glad you enjoyed the video. Perhaps we'll have to do another one of these shows some time...
Alex Markley
“The fate of a good technologist is to work on things that will seem silly in a hundred years. The fate of a bad technologist is to work on things that seem silly already.”
Ooo....
That would be so cool!