Jesus gets all the old bags???
OK, OK, please don't wig out at the title. This was actually a horrible dislexic moment I experienced the other day.
See, I got pulled into a shift at my old job at the Christian Bookstore. They were short on good workers on the busiest day of the year, so I went to help out.
Let me start by saying that I was tired, which was why I was on my way to the pop machine in the other room when I passed the display. Now, This display of gift bags had a sign on top, and on one side of the sign it said "Jesus gave it all" or something similar, and the other side simply said "gift bags".
For whatever reason, I glanced at the sign out of the corner of my eye as I walked by, a little too fast to see it properly.
The result of all this was that I wound up seeing on the sign "Jesus gets all the old bags."
I don't know what most people might have done, but I stopped, turned around and looked again, thinking, there is no way the Christian bookstore, of all places would have a sign that says that! I must be seeing things! Yeah, I was.
I proceeded to stifle my laughter until I obtained some caffiene, then I returned to the counter and said something to the effect of, "OK, guys, this may or may not be funny..." and tell the story I just told you.
Once everyone else was laughing, I figured it was OK to laugh myself, so I did.
Merry Christmas, I hope this post brought a smile to you this blessed season.
Phoenyx
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Comments
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Are you really getting that old that you're seeing things? This really doesn't bode well...
--
"I see you've tapped the shower into the blood bank across the street again... I hate you."
--
"Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?"
"Yes! 5.1 Pounds. That's why his blood is so good on pancakes!"
The fun FUN part...
The really fun part is how, if you ingest enough caffeine all at once, it can actually cause nightmarish hallucinations.
Someday, I'll tell you the story...
--Alex Markley
"As always, anyone asking 'Available' Anna (an Answerco Associate) about anything acquires an already-acknowledged answer." --Answerco - All answers. Always.
Alex Markley
“Objects in mirror seem closer than they appear.”
just enough to get me through
I decided not to overdo it on the caffiene after that. Besides, I ran out of change for the machine.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Yeah...
To push it that far, you really have to buy the caffeine in bulk... None of this "Mountain Dew" or "Vending Machine" crap - you really need to go straight to the caffeine pills.
Not that I ever recommend doing such a thing. Like any other chemical, caffeine can have really negative effects on your body if taken in excess.
By the way, Phoenyx, welcome back to the site.
--Alex Markley
"As always, anyone asking 'Available' Anna (an Answerco Associate) about anything acquires an already-acknowledged answer." --Answerco - All answers. Always.
Alex Markley
“Objects in mirror seem closer than they appear.”
speaking of good sources of caffiene
You should've seen the stuff I got my hands on when I worked at GNC. We got in these sample packs of this caffiene candy, basically one of those big sweet tarts with a jolt. They came two to a pack (good thing I only ate one). I went ballistic. I cleaned thoe whole store several times, and finally had to settle into making laps about the store. Every time I had a customer and had to stand still, I started shaking, and I talked spastically, having to work very hard to keep from stuttering. Good stuff.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Howdy
Hi Phoenyx. It's good to have you back! I often have those "at first glance" misreading errors. They're always funny, but I can't remember a single one now.
Malex is right about caffeine hallucinations. Here's my story:
I was working fast food management and had worked my way up to 2-3 caffeine pills a day plus black coffee throughout the day. I mean a cup an hour, or so. This was my way of life for months. And then it happened. I got tapped to do the month-end books by myself. This involved staying after the shop closed and inventorying everything in the shop and lots of paperwork. By that time I was such a wreck from sleep deprivation and caffeine, that I was not actually capable of doing this work. But no one, not even me, knew that.
Now the way caffeine works is that it prevents neurons from reabsorbing the chemicals that it uses to signal other neurons. So your brain just keeps sending itself the same signals over and over. Visual signals, auditory signals, motor signals.
One other person was with me in the shop and it was really late. I was getting tired, so I took more caffeine pills and drank more coffee. The books wouldn't come out right, so I just kept trying...and drinking more coffee.
My companion told me he was going to the bathroom and walked out the door. I watched him go. A moment later I heard an odd, garbled voice and looked up. A horrible, faceless parody of a human was walking toward me through the same door, howling. A jolt of terror ran through my body and I shrieked. The same jolt of terror kept hitting me and I kept shrieking. My companion ran to my aid. We left the books where they where and left. But I was hysterical and stayed that way till I got home to bed!
Later I learned about the mechanism of caffeine and theorized that what I saw and heard was a replay of my friend excusing himself and going out the door. The thing was faceless because he was walking away from me. I kept reexperiencing the jolt of fear because of the caffeine.
Moral: even caffeine can be overdone.
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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
amazing
no, that's it. Just "amazing."
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
Do you realize that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
Thank God...
Dearest Mother has protected me from ever overdosing on caffeine.
But I do get the "out-of-the-corner-of-my-eye" stuff a lot.
One time I was walking through a parking lot and saw a big yellow truck with a picture of a dove on it. Painted on the side, in big white letters was "Dove Cabintry" But, glancing at it out of the corner of my eye I thought it said, "Dove Cemetary".
That was funny in and of itself but what was more amusing was that my first thought was, "Why would they need a truck?"
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The world seems warmer when there's a kitty on your lap.
You know how to raspberry, don't you Steve? You just put your tongue out and blow.
Why indeed
"Dove Cemetary".
"Why would they need a truck?"
She shared this comment with me, and the subtlety of the humor kept me laughing till I shed tears.
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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
Well...
"Just 'amazing.'"
One time, "a friend" of mine took to chewing several caffeine tablets at once. (As I recall, he was up for something like 72 hours, slept for four hours, and took a 6-hour shift at Kroger.)
As I understand it, he forgot how to stand up after the first fifteen minutes. His mom had to come pick him up...
--Alex Markley
"As always, anyone asking 'Available' Anna (an Answerco Associate) about anything acquires an already-acknowledged answer." --Answerco - All answers. Always.
Alex Markley
“Objects in mirror seem closer than they appear.”
Man oh man
he forgot how to stand up after the first fifteen minutes. His mom had to come pick him up...
Literally! LOL!
Those pills will give you diarrhea, too.
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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
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I get up, I walk, I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing. - Hillel
uh huh
Those pills will give you diarrhea, too.
um .... eewwwwwwwwwww
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Fear of the Week:
Numismaphobia – the fear of money
The normal ones are boring. They all run-off screaming toward sanity. We just sit there at laugh at their sad attempts.